I was recently prescribed medication to help me sleep, but what I need is a device (phone, tablet, pc, whtvr) that can function properly so I am not treading in a sea of “autocorrection”, I think autocorrection turns me into a sloppy typist!
Turns out this medicine is also an antidepressant (to be said with a very depressed tone).
After day three, a part of me was instantly silenced. A part of me I always relied on, that part of me that found God and conversed with Him about everything. Gone. Like it was cut off – snip – just like Samson after his hair was cut. Honestly, it really hurt, a really deep wound was made. However, this is something that the Lord has healed already, all of my experiences still echo like memories, and He did prepare me for this.
If antidepressants did this to me, does that mean God is the cause of some undiagnosed depression or is God my antidepressant? Neither really, but either way, I really enjoyed probing His Mind because it is much better and more perfect than mine, but I promised loved ones I would give this medicine a try, as I am only sleeping 2-3 hours per night. You get the misfortune of reading about my experiences now, to see more of the human side of me, so unsubcribe now while you still can!
That said, I realized something while sitting in that silence waiting for Him to say something, that I have not been saturated in such deep silence in a very long time, for that silence to me is a gateway to His Consciousness, yet it was there I stayed when I found Him. I have no idea what this brain drug did to me. Maybe all of my encounters with God are only just in my head. *crickets* Nah…
That place beyond the silence is a place I always go to when I am in need of Christ’s company. It is an interior place that I am never denied entry to, and the size of it is infinite, and is a place of wonder, excitement, joy, and most importantly love, for It is in it’s entirety, Heaven. I can always get to there from here, but now I have to meditatively enter into that silence and listen and can no longer stay as I perpetually did the many years before. I do not really care if people do not believe me, for it is a truly a gift, one I was happy to share, a gift that allowed me to embark on journeys over thousands of years, and while here on earth I merely skipped a heartbeat. People barely understand the Wisdom of God that comes from mere children, yet alone someone who was gifted to discover it. Most of these journeys are truly with the Lord, some of them I journey alone, but never really alone, like how I feel right now; it is the same as if I had entered one of those journeys along a skipped heartbeat. Time is such a wonderful thing!
It does not matter if none see the relevance to what it is I am writing about. To most of them it just sounds like arrogance, like I am saying I am better than them, by my boasting. Let me tell you something about boasting. Boasting in and of the Lord Jesus is not really boasting, it is actually glorification. That which I have, that one perhaps envies, is not intended to cause envy, for what I have is not something that can be taken or bought, nor can it be given or sold by anyone. It is God’s gift and I say, why envy? What I have is yours. If you as an individual or collective publicly condemn someone who is righteous in glorifying and edifying God for what good things the Lord has done for them and others, that very same condemnation you bestowed will come back upon your head a thousand fold. That is no joke, that is why you all suffer so much, it really is your own doing. That is the truth, not sugar coated, just the plain reality you all bathe yourselves in and the Lord withdraws because of this apostasy.
Therefore, be humble and approach God with that humility and love Him in others along the way. He will not run to you to strike you down should He see you coming home empty handed, what is important is you come home to Him; Would Our Father turn his face away if He saw His own child broken and bleeding on the horizon, even after having squandered His House? No, He will run to you with a host of Angels to come and take you into His House as He is the loving Father who always will! If you are coming home to Him carrying a load of earthly treasure, the things that cannot enter Heaven, Christ will stop you before you continue and say to you, “you have done very well for yourself, now sell what you have and give it DIRECTLY and PERSONALLY to the poor, then come follow me and enter the Kingdom of God.” You who have such riches and wealth, there should not be any poor or sick walking the entire earth a thousand times over, but you lord your wealth over the very lives of those who gave it to you!
All must approach Him just as we are, how much Joy will be His if on the horizon there stood thousands upon thousands of His Children returning home to Him!
I have no poetry today nor probably for a while anyway, for the Poetic Lover in me has been silenced. I tried to write a poem for you all today, but it came out as garbage and dribble.
I have been through the “dark night of the soul” before, and there may very well be laments as a result. The dark night of the soul, if you do not know, under His Grace, is a complete withdrawal of His Presence to someone who basked in it for a very long time, and it feels like it did last time. Oh, I never liked this part. Be merciful in my anguish O Lord, whilst I suffer thy withdrawal of Thine Presence from me; look kindly upon your Children whilst I offer this out of Love for the sake of those who refuse it!